either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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