Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
