this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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