you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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