i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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