Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
