Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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