we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
