shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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