Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
