I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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