I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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