i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I still have a little drunk in my system
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
