last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
