She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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