shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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