No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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