we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
