I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
