watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
