How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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