ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
