I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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