i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
