Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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