Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this boner is exhausting
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
