addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
