Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
