I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
