Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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