The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
