Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
