a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
