a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
All the doctor said was why
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
