I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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