feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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