i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
