and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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