She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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