I just threw up on my dentist
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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