I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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