How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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