I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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