so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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