I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
