Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
