This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
