I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
