the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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