Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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