i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
