yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
