OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
