I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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