he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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