True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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