I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
