...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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