True but thats because hes a fetus.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
