standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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