what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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