how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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