I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize