i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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