I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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