Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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