Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
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