HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he thought i was a dude.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
