You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
