My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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