I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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